Hmm...I wonder...

I wonder if you can recover from a broken heart. I realize that I'm only 19 and I haven't suffered very many heart breaks, but it feels like every time there's a new break, all of the old ones open up again. I know that this break up won't kill me but it feels like it might. Whenever he speaks to me and acts like he doesn't care, like I never meant anything to him, I feel like everything start falling apart. I hate playing these games. I hate wanting what I can't have. I hate being wanted by someone I can't want. I hate that I make that person feel the same way my ex makes me feel. I hate that this is all happening during the holidays. I hate feeling so lonely. I hate him for breaking us. I hate myself for taking it to the next level and destroying what was left of us. How do people go from being completely in love to hating each other? The sad thing is, we both still want each other.

Because I am totally in love with my scale today

I weighed 178.4 lbs a week ago and this morning

175!!!!!!

I should totally start working out to compliment my dieting but I am kind of really lazy.

The funny thing is I moved in with my aunt and she has a treadmill at her house in front of the TV in the living room.

Tonight is the premiere of Gossip Girl and it could not have come at a better time. I swear the shakes are starting. Isn't it bad enough we have to wait a whole week in between episodes?!

Well anywhore, I'll try to get on the treadmill tonight during GG. I'll let you know how that goes

Never Forget

I was in 6th grade. I was in my 2nd period Geography class. An announcement came over the speaker asking teachers to turn on their TVs and tune into the news. I watched the first burning tower. I remember the silence that fell over my class. I watched the second plane hit. I remember Mr. Armenteros(my teacher) kicked the cabinet the TV was on. I remember the school being locked down. I remember the tears in my teacher's eyes. I remember the fear being so thick it was hard to breathe. My mom came an hour later after they finally let her and took me home. I remember being terrifies because at the time we lived in an apartment building. I remember the next day. Red, White, and Blue everywhere. I remember for the next two weeks the whole school sang the national anthem so loud you could hear it in the halls. I remember the faces of the fire fighters. I remember the people jumping from the towers. I remember war being declared. I remember tears in our president's eyes. I remember tears in my eyes and the eyes of those around me. I remember the candles and pictures and flowers at Ground Zero. I remember the heroes in combat boots on TV. I remember. I will never forget.

Because she got me thinking

A while back OHmommy wrote this post.

Whether I agree with her or not is no where near the issue, she is a fantastic blogger and I respect her opinions.

She got me thinking about health care though, to be honest I don't know how the problem never crossed my mind. I must warn you that if you are looking for a post about how current health care affects the majority or how the health care reforms might affect the majority, you ain't gonna find that here. As I've mentioned in previous posts I am 19 years old, I work full time as an executive assistant and I go to school full time. My mother is a teacher and also goes to school online. I make roughly 11,000 a year. I do not have health insurance. Medicaid will not accept me. I am a perfectly healthy 19 year old female and insurance companies would like to charge me about $130 a month, dental not included. If some of you don't know the I'd like to be the first to tell you. Luxuries like a car and gas and food and school supplies don't come cheap. It is because of this that I have gone uninsured. Thankfully I have had no medical emergencies and so it hasn't been an issue. That is until about five months ago I started experiencing some side effects due to weight gain. I am not talking about 100 pound wight gain I gained about 40 pounds. The point is because I have no insurance I haven't been able to see a doctor to treat this side effect.

While I don't agree completely with everything the president is proposing I agree that something has to be done. I know for a fact that I am not the only one who has gone without insurance. I am fully aware of what free health care can do to the QUALITY of the health care you receive. I grew up in Cuba and the hospitals there make you sick just by walking in. I can't say that I have the perfect solution. I don't know that there is a perfect solution. There will never be a one size fits all, don't worry be happy solution. I can tell you that something HAS to be done. We are a country of innovation. I like to view as shoe shopping, stay with me now it makes sense, you go to the store and you see a shoe you like, you try it on, if it doesn't fit right you take it off and put it back. Our legal system and constitution allow for change. I don't propose that we pick something and live with it, on the contrary, I think we can find the solution that will fit the majority by trying things out and compromising. Yelling and each side bickering will not help nor will it fix anything. BEFORE you go and leave me an angry Anon comment I'd like to remid you that I have my right to my opinion and I don't care what you say if you say it as Anon I will totally blow you off(not in the good way). If you grow some balls and tell me off as yourself I will take what you say into consideration. Now. Go forth and yell.

Dumped

I got dumped

By my subscriber

I have to say it kind of hurt but oh wells life goes on at least I haven't gotten some weird Anon person that wants to pass his/her free time by putting angry weird comments on my blog

The funny thing is I didn't even know I had one and when I found out I was super excited and then I took an unceremonious and unannounced break from blogging so I totally get why I got dumped

I don't want someone who never writes crowding up my blogroll either but sometimes life gets in the way and you need to take a step back and fix the little cracks in the dam and that takes time, and effort, and pain, and money, and all the things that leave you so exhausted that while you wish you could spill your guts and pour your heart out to the maybe three people that read your blog on occasion you just can't. I am offically putting myself in the running for longest run on sentence EVA. I would go back and change the punctuations and make it make sense but it sounds so much like how I speak in real life that I just don't want to.

My point, and I do have one, I love writting to my three unknowns. I love sharing my stories and rambles, no matter how insignificant they seem to me, and they may very well be insignificant to a million others, and I may be the most boring blog on the web but I simply don't care. I love going back and re-reading my old posts. Time does funny things to you and the truly important things seem to fade but this way I can always have them around to brighten my day.

So no hard feelings former subscriber I'm sure you had you're reasons, unless you're just a bitch that way, in that case please go ahead and imagine me sticking my tounge out at you.

That is all.

Turns out physics, when challenged, will totally kick your ass...Hard

Remember this...

Yea, the post where I totally defied Newton and all his other buddies and the writers of A Perfect Storm and Yankee in the belief that my relationship could make it.

If I saw me now I wouldn't recognize me

We are done

Well I am done

I gave him my heart and he didn't know how to take care of it and for X and Y reason things didn't work and he may want just ONE last chance but I don't have it in me to give it.

And so we are done.

There two broken hearts in my life and truth be told her heart hurts me more than mine.

1of2 a.k.a Steffy is 1 of my 2 best friends

She's going through Ex and X an Y drama too and she's stubborn as am I and we're hurting and I know we can make it through this but it's like being at the begining of a tunnel...the end looks so far that what you left behind starts to look more comfortable

I hope she knows how much she means to me

I hope she knows how much I want to fucking cut that piece of shit Ex boyfriend of hers

I hope she knows how much better she deserves

I hope she knows how much I pray to have her compassion one day

I hope she reads this and starts to realize that as much as we love her she should love herself 1000 times more...

Proudly Introducing

I can't believe I haven't mentioned him before...

It kind of seems like he's always been there...

He's been my rock to lean on for a while now and we've made a mess of what started out as a seemingly normal friendship but I think we can all agree that sex complicates things...actually he doesn't agree with me on that...I have a feeling he thinks I'm the one that complicates things...He's probably right

I adore him...it wasn't always that way

There were times when I couldn't be near him without scowling or crying or worse yearning

But life made us both grow up and whatever it is that we are I am glad and blessed for it

Thank you for being there for me

If you ever read this and are not happy that I blasted on the world wide web I'll make sure to be in sexually compromising position in order to distract you

I haven't come up with a good enough name for him yet so for now let's call him Yankee

If you're wondering why I haven't spent time with him I actually spend more time with him than anyone else...but it's spent through text messeages because he lives in a magical land far far away that I crave to be at every time I pass the airport...

30 minte/ 3 ingridient cookies!

Disclaimer: I am not a foodie blogger. I cook, a lot and I bake when anxious and I love to share what I cook or bake but don't expect it too often because I mostly make up what I make as I go and I forget to write things down or take pics and then it's kind of point less...

Without further ado...

Take 6 cups of all purpose flour and dump it in a big mixing bowl

Add 5 sticks of melted butter

Mix until it becomes a dough like in the picture

Take a flat baking pan( I tihnk that's what they're called...again not a foodie or a chef)

Make medium sized patties and lay them down on the pan... they dont grow much so don't be afraid to put them close

Bake for 25 minutes at 325 and sprinkle with powdered sugar as soon as the come out of the oven

Let them cool and enjoy

I made them once with a big hershey's kiss in the middle and they were delicious so vary as you wish...

I forgot to mention I love these cookies because they're fast, versatile and hassle free but they are in no wayyy fat free or light so save them for a cheat day babe

I FLY!

I spent some much much MUCH needed Hand Coloring time with Jessy last weekend...

Let's put it this way...

I FLY= I Fucking Love You...because we're classy with a capital K!

Hand Coloring(cuddling)=holding hands

Jessy was never the most affectionate child in fact she rarely shows how much she loves you except for holding your hand and snuggling to my arm while she's asleep...yes, I wake up a full TWO hours before she does but I stay in the bed so she knows I'm there and I play with her iTouch and make sure Mark doesn't wake the princess until she's good and ready.

Yea, I spoil her. I totally own up to it.

The picture of our hands is obviously the Hand Coloring and the other two I like to call the hardships of being a teenager a.k.a having to blow dry hair/do homework/hold a conversation/not fall off the bed/shower/brush teeth/eat/ect... while texting.

I love you baby girl and you are totally going to get your skinny little ass kicked for not listening to me when we had the myspace discussion...

Super Cute and Functional!!

So a while back I entered a contest over at Mommy is Moody...

There was a varied selcetion of prizes depending on which entry you did...

I won these babies...

They're called Kid's Moody Magnets and you can find them here...

Seeing as how I don't have any kiddies that I birthed myself I gave these as a gift to my co-workers son because he's always been kind of shy and that makes him totally adorable but we all know what it's like to be so frustrated when you can't really put into words what you're feeling...

I won't say that they are the miracle cure of all things or anything but they seem to help in a conflict resolution sort of way and from an outsiders point of view parenting seems kind of hard at times so I figure anybody would want as many helpful tools as possible...

Can you raise well adjusted members of society without them...sure...but come on give your kids a break...

Expressing yourself is hard yo!